I Think My Husband Hates Me

11.18.11

Since our baby arrived I get much less sleep then I used to and it's not all because of Ariah. Sure, she wakes me up every morning at 3:59am to nurse but then she goes right back to sleep. Kyle, however, wakes up every day at 5am and fusses until he gets up at 6:30am. Who sets their alarm clock for 5 if they have no intention of getting up for another hour-and-a-half?! We have lived here for five months and I have never set my alarm yet I have only slept past 7am twice. Gone are the days of sleeping through a Sunday, not just because I have a little human to tend to, but because Kyle likes my company.

I am sure someone reading this is thinking, “I wish my husband wanted to hang out with me.” Be careful what you wish for. In the old days we would sit in front of the tv watching our favorite shows and when I would announce that I was going to bed Kyle would ask me to stay up and hang out with him for a little while longer. It was really sweet and endearing. Nowadays though, I fall asleep in front of the tv, whether it's 7:30pm or 10pm, and he wakes me up. Sometimes he will wake me up to tell me it's cold, sometimes just to let me know he's still there, like this, “hey Ang, you hear that?”, “yeah Kyle, it's the ice maker, why'd you wake me up?!”, “just wondering if you heard it.” When I was growing up my mom's most worn out question was, “am I reading too loud for you?” For thirty years I did not understand what the hell that meant and now I find myself saying it, “am I sleeping too loud for you?”

I don't care if there's an earthquake, let me know if the ceiling is falling down and I will run out the door. I don't care if someone is breaking into my car, I will deal with it in the morning, that's why I have insurance. As long as the stove is off and the baby is sleeping, LET ME SLEEP! Yes, dear, that is the baby cooing and playing with her doll quietly in bed in her own room at 7:05am, no, I don't want to bring her into our bed, go back to sleep. I'm sorry you had bad dreams, it's really too bad that the dog pee'd in the living room, I don't know why the motion sensor lights are going off out side the house by our bedroom, but it's all going to be there when I wake up so LET ME SLEEP!

I really do appreciate that my husband works almost around the clock, I really do. But honestly, do you have to have to talk to Siri in bed? Who invited her to my sleep party? Can't you text your little iphone girlfriend with the sound OFF at 6am? I get that our employees need to know what job to go to and without your unceasing work we couldn't afford diapers, but can't you turn that damn thing off! Is it really necessary for it to vibrate AND beep when someone texts you back?

I believe on a scale of 1-10 that my husband is a 10. It's just that for the last 2 out of 7 months, we have taught our daughter to sleep which means that I get to learn how to sleep again too. I am so lucky that I get to spend my whole entire day with our daughter, I know exactly what she does and I track what time she does it and take a dozen pictures of her doing it. Kyle works so much to afford us the lifestyle that we have and I am forever grateful, but... LET ME SLEEP and I will be even more grateful!