House Arrest

My friend came over last weekend to help me unpack some boxes and while talking she told me that her son was on House Arrest. I asked exactly what that entails and as she explained it I realized that House Arrest sounds a lot like being a new mom.

For starters, you have to wear an ankle bracelet so that someone knows where you are at all times. you can't take it off and leave it at home while you go to the bar or even church for that matter, you are tethered to something 24 hours a day. You never get a break. The worn-out-and-weary look that a new mom has is the equivalent of the ankle bracelet. Before the baby was born I thought I needed a "MOM" necklace so that people would know why I looked like crap and was walking around in a daze but I am pretty sure the crying baby on my hip gives it away. 

Secondly, there are no "Ins and Outs". I feel a little thuggish just understanding this term. It means that if you want to leave the house you are not able to come back for at least 2 hours. If you have a kid you know everything takes three times as long as it used to so filling 2 hours is no big deal, that's how long a quick trip to the store takes. Maybe the people that thought up House Arrest were new parents and that's where the concept came from.

Thirdly, there are specific hours during the day that you are allowed out of the house. Typically it is to go to work and doctor's appointments, just like being a mom. In a normal week my out-and-about time consists of grocery shopping and well baby doctor's visits. Operating hours are 7am to 8pm, 7 days a week, though I can't really get out of the house until 10am. If we are out past 8pm then we miss the baby's bedtime ritual which is very important at this stage in her life, almost as important as the sleep I hope she will get if I maintain her bedtime ritual. Anything after 8pm requires you to be at my house and I can't leave again, not until the next day. Being my friend and being the friend of a person on House Arrest probably feels the same too. We can have anything you want as long as you go get it and bring it back.


My baby is not a punishment, she is a beautiful, wonderful gift from God, I just couldn't help but note the similarities. i still think that a new mother came up with the concept and realized there's no better way to get someone to organize their life and get it straight than to give them the schedule of a mama with a newborn.